Without a doubt, 2020 has been a tough year. As we look to draw the curtain on it in a few days, it is necessary to check-in with ourselves, our friends, and our families to find out how we’re faring.
Recently, I stumbled on a YouTube video where the question that serves as the title of this post was asked to a group of strangers. They had quite interesting replies. It was difficult for some to provide answers to the question as they weren’t sure how they felt, some others had to process the question for a while to evaluate the state of their beings.
However, one thing they all agreed on was that they wished people asked the question genuinely wanting to know how they were doing and not just as a ritual in exchanging pleasantries.
The Abnormal “Norm”
Their responses made me realize how much society has subconsciously taught us to hide behind the facade of “I’m fine” even when we aren’t. For most, claiming to be okay has become some sort of reflex with little or no attention to how they actually feel. When asked why this is, many of them claimed that people rarely asked how they are doing caring about their wellbeing. It has become more of a formality and they have learned to take it as such. This is one of those societal “norms” that shouldn’t be.
Somehow, “How are you doing?” has lost its original connotation and has been relegated to merely a conversation starter. For most of its usage, it’s just that sentence we throw in right after the hello’s and hi’s. If only we stopped to truly care about the affairs of others. Behind the smiles on the beautiful faces of those we meet from day to day are people going through real-life issues and sometimes, all they need to get by is a true friend who is willing to give a listening ear to their ordeals. A genuine heart-to-heart talk can go a long way in relieving a burden off one’s shoulders. It can serve as an effective medication if applied correctly.
Charity Begins at Home
Surprisingly (or maybe not), many of those asked in the YouTube video referred to above claimed it was easier to open up to strangers about how they truly felt than confiding in friends and family members. They attributed this to the fear of being judged or misunderstood by those closest to them. I think their concerns are very much justified.
In a society that expects us to be strong at all times and makes light of our weaknesses, it can be difficult to express our true emotions as this means exposing our vulnerabilities at the risk of having them dismissed or undermined.
The phrase “I’m fine” has been used to conceal a wide range of emotions: confused, insecure, happy, scared, tired, great, lonely, depressed, okay, anxious, better, worse, in love, blessed, terrible, cold, hungry, hopeful, and a plethora of others.
Lending a shoulder to one another is one of the benefits of community — family, friends, colleagues, etc. Humans are wired to depend on each other. As much as you can, look out for those around you, check on them, ask how they are doing and be genuine about it, listen not just with your ears, but also with your heart. Be a friend indeed, the world needs more of those. When all is said and done, we are all we’ve got.
2020 has been a handful. Going into the new year, the least we can do is to be there for one another.
Most of the times, after sharing your problems with friends or family, they’d use it to make fun of you latet. That’s why some people keep their problems to themselves
This is the sad reality… But I believe there are a few people that really do care and genuinely look out for us. Those few should not be taken for granted:)
Sometimes, the simple question “How are you?” is such a hard question to answer. And in the end, the final answer “I am Fine!” is just a facade of your true state of mind. This is in a bid to conceal your grievances and save you the stress of unnecessary explanations most of which will not yield any positive solution. So you’d rather prefer to “Dey your Dey” and handle your problems alone. This 2020 taught me!
Thank you Two Cent Journal
But someone suddenly asking me how I’m doing can generate a myriad of thoughts in my head.
And before I produce an answer to that question, I usually process the aim of the question, the person asking, will telling him/her what I’m currently going through help alleviate my problems. If not we move, and I go with the usual ‘I’m fine’.
But I think we should be free to those who we know do care about us and be vulnerable with them once in a while, that way we experience love.