I turned 26 in January, which means I am closer to 30 than I am to 20.
As a bonafide 20-something, I am well acquainted with this decade and have garnered quite some experience, both good and bad. I have also learnt a thing or two along the way, and this post is dedicated to some of those lessons.
The 20s Quandary
Navigating through this phase of life comes with its own peculiarities.
Fresh out of teenage ages and still teeming with exuberance, you are immediately thrown into the unstable waters of adulthood. Everything suddenly becomes way more serious and everyone seems to be reaching for something bigger than themselves. Most of us graduate college in our early 20s, and are immediately faced with the “real world” where you have to make big decisions and bear full responsibilities for the consequences of our choices.
Childhood days are officially behind you, but you aren’t fully an adult yet, and nothing prepares you for all the “figuring out” that comes with this transition.
Life as you know it begins to change quite drastically.
Everything is affected, including your relationships and friendships. The general mutuality that characterized childhood and teenage years, which is usually the foundation on which most early friendships are built, slowly thins out, and everyone’s lives veer off in different directions.
We all get pretty busy with adulting and are unable to nurture these friendships as we used to. Some of our friends get married and start their own families. Folks travel far and wide in search of greener pastures, and we are forced to settle for long-distance communication. Thankfully, technology helps in achieving this, but everyone soon gets neck-deep in their own troubles, and there’s less and less communication until there’s none at all.
You probably get a job and you’re making enough to pay the bills at least. You might end up switching jobs pretty often in this phase as you may realize that some things aren’t for you. Alternatively, you may decide to start a business, or take the path less travelled – trade in job security and chase your passion, whatever that is. Regardless of your chosen path, there’s still a lot of “figuring out” attached to this stage.
All of this can be overwhelming as we all want to get things right at this stage and lay a good foundation for the future.
However, we can’t always control the vicissitudes of life, and sometimes, things don’t go as planned. A major setback or a seeming delay in progress has the potential of knocking the wind out of our sails. Due to all the uncertainty and anxiety that builds up in this phase, we become prone to experiencing what is sometimes referred to as “quarter-life crisis”.
If you’re currently in your 20s, you probably relate to these circumstances… or you might be part of the exclusive club of individuals who have nothing to worry about in life. If the latter describes you, you might as well skip the rest of this post:)
There’s no playbook to life.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Age is just a number”. It’s ironic to reference that quote in a post targeted to a specific age range.
There’s an entire debate around this statement, and depending on what camp you belong to, you may or may not agree with the statement. There are logical points to both arguments, depending on the context and perspective involved.
A person’s age carries some biological significance, but it definitely doesn’t define (or limit) the things they can achieve.
The problem, however, is society places so much emphasis on age, and there’s an unspoken pressure to fit into certain expectations and timelines. TV and tabloid headlines often bear the tales of child prodigies and young entrepreneurs, and everyone sings the praises of early achievers. The earlier you attain success, the more inspirational your story is.
I believe it is noble to acknowledge greatness in young people, but the danger of this hype culture is that these outliers eventually become the reference point. Parents exhort their kids to aspire for such feats and they grow up measuring themselves with these yardsticks.
These extra layers of subtle pressure are so ubiquitous that they become almost unavoidable. However, we can choose to not be affected by them. Celebrate the achievements of others, but the success of others shouldn’t make you feel any less of yourself.
There’s no playbook to life. Everyone has their own unique journey. Your timeline is particular to you, and so is everyone else’s. Some make it big right off the gate, and some get their groove much later in life. Not all flowers bloom at the same time, but they all eventually bloom.
Desist From Unhealthy Comparison
As social beings, we are naturally wired to compare ourselves with our peers – this is how we evaluate our standing in society. When done properly, such evaluation can be beneficial. Healthy comparison can serve as a source of external motivation to become better individuals.
Unhealthy comparison on the other hand leaves us prone to the danger of self-criticism. The concept of “feeling behind” in itself is relative. You only feel behind because you believe others are ahead of you and you have to catch up with them.
In our hyper-connected world where we are constantly updated with the achievements and wins of friends and strangers, we are easily susceptible to the trap of unhealthy comparison. It seems everyone is in a silent competition to outperform each other, and we tend to evaluate ourselves against others’ highlight reels, forgetting that what we see online isn’t always a true reflection of reality.
Instead of comparing yourself with others, focus on becoming a better version of yourself. You are traveling on a customized path, and the only person you should be in competition with is the person you were yesterday. It doesn’t matter who seems to be doing better or worse than you, what matters is that you are making progress along your own path, one step at a time.
In Summary…
If you’re currently in your 20s, it is a special phase of personal discovery and significant growth.
It’s a time to explore the plethora of opportunities around you, find out what works and what doesn’t, and pursue the things that matter to you. It’s a time to develop meaningful connections and take good care of your health so that it serves you in the long run. It’s a time to take chances, make mistakes, and learn from them. These are things I wish I did more of in my early 20s.
As I journey into the second half of this decade, I am committed to growing and morphing into the best version of myself, one day at a time. I hope you commit to the same.