What if you were bolder?
What if you were fearless?
What if you were more confident in yourself and fear wasn’t a thing to you?
What if you weren’t afraid to express yourself in a world where people are quick to judge others?

I’m not talking about the twisted kind of confidence popular in today’s society that encourages carefree lifestyles, giving rise to moral decadence and rudeness towards others. Far from it.

I am referring to the positive kind of confidence that spurs in you the will to go for what you want in life. The kind of confidence that gives you a voice in situations where other voices have been muffled due to fear of criticism and condemnation. The kind of confidence that makes you take on daring challenges that others shy away from. The very kind that allows you to raise your head even when society incites you to keep it down.

For a moment, reflect on all the good things you’ve missed out on because you were too scared to go for what you wanted, or all the times you had to settle for less just because you were too timid to speak up. Think of all the potentially wonderful friendships that never became because you were too shy to start a conversation or the opportunities you slept on because you didn’t feel sufficient enough.

I don’t have to think too far before multiple instances of my own “misfortunes” come running to mind. Of course, it hurts to look back and think that you could have acted differently and things could have turned out, but in those moments, the barrier between me and the required actions seem insurmountable.

Introvert vs Extrovert

I happen to be an ambivert by personality. My blend is more like 58% introvert and 42% extrovert (Don’t ask me how I came about the figures). This ratio isn’t constant, and as a matter of fact, it has progressively changed over time.

When I was much younger, the ratio was about 85% introvert and 15% extrovert, and my extroverted side only found expression in my inner circle. I could easily go unnoticed in new environments, and I only manage to interact comfortably if I dwell there long enough to warm up to others.

It is generally believed that extroverts find it easier to make demands and requests when necessary as opposed to the rather withdrawn personalities of introverts (I’d be using “introverts” to classify all those who are naturally withdrawn and the term “extroverts” will represent the opposite).

This could be true by default, but I don’t think it is non-negotiable. Even though the threshold seems to be much higher, it is still very possible for a natural introvert to master assertiveness and develop the courage required to thrive in society.

I must say though, that this isn’t the easiest trait to develop. It is mostly a battle against yourself, especially if you’re towards the end of the spectrum. I’m currently practicing leaving my comfort zone when I need to, and it definitely hasn’t been as easy as I thought it would be, but the potential rewards make the efforts worth it.

Overthinking and The Fear Of Rejection

There’s a thin line between being analytical and overthinking things, and it’s super easy to go over this line without knowing it. Trust me, I know this first hand.

Whenever I’m faced with situations where I have to execute actions with promising potential rewards, but require courage on my part, my brain is super quick to pop the “what if” questions. These questions can be helpful sometimes to put things in perspective, but more often than not, they turn out to be toxic hindrances to the potential results.

I also found out that I am not alone in this. Some people would rather have a beam of steel hanging down their necks than ask a question in a lecture hall filled with students or address a not-so-little group.

In such instances, there are so many things that can influence such fear, but one that is common amongst many folks is the fear of how they would be received by others. What will their peers or other parties involved think of them if their question happens to be a “stupid” one? Or what if their presentation to the group isn’t so smart?.

This fear cripples the desire to gain clarity on the subject matter in the former and quenches the zeal to communicate value in the latter instance.

You’ve got nothing to lose

Not long ago, I was discussing the subject of overthinking with a friend, and she shared one of such experiences she had at school which I think is quite relatable to most.

She took an exam in a vital course, and the results didn’t turn out as she expected. She felt she performed better than the score reflected and she was confident that she deserved more than she got. But there was a problem.

Given her introverted personality, she wasn’t one of the active students in his class, and she reasoned that she probably didn’t have a good standing to confront the teacher. She also feared he could just be as rude as he looks and might not even give her a listening ear.

However, with the nudge of a friend, she eventually decided to give it a shot, concluding that she had nothing to lose. It’s either she succeeds and gets her marks increased or worst-case scenario, she gets negative feedback from the teacher, and the marks remain the same. Either way, it’ll go down in records that she did her best.

She picked up courage and paid the teacher a visit, and not only did he listen to all she had to say, but he also turned out to be way nicer than she ever imagined. She eventually got her marks upgraded to a more desirable and well-deserved level. Imagine if she let her fear get in the way of taking bold actions?

In her words, “Fear of rejection and overthinking truly doesn’t get you anything”

What are you stalling on due to lack of courage? What pursuit of yours have you left hanging because of fear of the unknown? What is that goal you’re sleeping on because of all the “what if’s” you keep coming up with?

The real question now is… Are your fears really valid?

As they say, everything you want is on the other side of fear. I’m not sure how true this is… but you’ll never know unless you try.